I know what you’re thinking. You are wondering what business I have thinking I can write about fitness. First glance at me, and most think that I do not even know what the inside of a gym looks like. I am not obese, but I’m definitely not fit. At least not since I hung up the hockey skates after my teammate’s blade nearly severed an artery in my neck. But how much longer can I use this pandemic as an excuse. I am back to belt hole number 4 again and we all know, the moment you have to switch your belt setting is the first sign that you’ve let it go too long.
I am still not sure what’s true and what’s not in the Covidsphere, but I know that I cannot get myself to go to the gym until I know it’s safe. So, what’s a nerdy, but enlightened fella to do? Answer: yard work.
I do not have the biggest yard, but it is big enough to know that buckthorn is an invasive species encroaching daily into every corner of my yard. You may remember me saying as a man that likes to do his part to keep the environment sound, that I am fervently against the use of chemicals to keep an immaculate lawn, but I’m just as animate about not being one of the excessive eco warriors that just lets their lawn go, pretending that they’re doing their part to save the planet, when we all really know they’re just lazy.
Time to practice what I preach, eh?
So, my new daily regimen will be to go out and cut down the buckthorn, not with a wimpy chainsaw, but instead with my trusty old camp saw. Of course, I know it would be easier and a more efficient use of my time to use some gas power, but that is not the point now, is it? And after taking down just a few mini trees from Hell, I find myself breathing harder and notice an uptick in my heart rate.
After twenty minutes of that, I go remove rocks from a massive pile of 20-30 lb. rocks that the previous owner decided to leave for me (Thanks Tom). Not sure what his plan was with these hideous geo-abominations, or if he just let his landscaping buddy use his land as a dump, but I do know I can no longer let them be. So, one-by-one, I bring them up the hill and begin to place them in a more organized fashion with the hope that someday, they’ll resemble a beautifully constructed back wall to my flower garden. We will see.
The final twenty minutes of my new “Brawning with Bertie” workout plan involve more of a winddown. I simply go to my veggie garden and I weed, harvest and prune. It’s not meant to be a high-intensity activity, but it does keep me moving a bit. And needless to say, my awkwardly sweaty self is dripping by now. Even if it is cold out.
If you are still reading this post, I do not ask why? I instead say good for you. You have managed your time in a way that allows for wasted time and means you are more organized than the rest of us. But I do hope that at the very least, you will find yourself inspired to go out and take back your yard and hopefully drop a pound or two.
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